a heart of a mother

So I have tears rolling down my cheeks right now. I feel relieved but anxious all at the same time. I put my two kiddos in my mom's car and waved good-bye. It's always nice to have some time by myself but there is always something about letting them go that I find difficult. I try not to show them...if my daughter saw me crying she would join right in and then my son would need to hug and kiss it all away for me until I was "all better". I want them to love going to grandma's house and feel free to be independent from mom once in awhile. I really adore those two. It is such a balance to love and not smother. Tomorrow morning I go in at 5:30 AM to birth via c-section another daughter. More to love. I am so blessed and thankful. I can't imagine giving my time and energy to anything else. It is so fulfilling to watch them grow and mature. I can't wait to see Miya and Isaac's faces tomorrow when they come to meet their new sister. I still have Miya's reaction to Isaac etched forever in my mind, oh so precious. Now I go to find a middle name. Nothing like last minute. We've had her first name for awhile now but just haven't seemed to be able to land the perfect combo. I have some options. I'm determined to decide before I go to bed tonight. Maybe the quiet will help me think it through.

Mother's Day

Yesterday I got to celebrate being a Mother. It was a good day. We dedicated my son, Isaac, to the Lord at church. He is two now, we were suppose to do it a year ago but moved right before the service, now that we've moved back, we signed up again. The children's pastor made the comment that the dedication is more for the parents than the children. I agree. It is really about us as parents committing to following Christ and teaching our children what that means. I think the best way to teach is to actually live that out in our daily lives. To seek Christ with all our hearts and allow his love and grace to flow through us to our children. As I was thinking yesterday about my little blessings, I stopped to pray that down the road, when my children are grown, they will be able to look back and see that Christ was living in me and they will be able to "celebrate knowing Him more" because of the mother that I was to them. Funny thing is, I am becoming that mother "because" of them, because of the ways God uses my children and my husband to grow me, change me, mold me. So Thank You to my husband and children for the gift of Motherhood.

Creatively Homemaking

Believe it or not, as a "homemaker", I am often asked what I actually do all day. I'm not really offended by the question. Actually, it is something that I think about often. I think about what I do all day and if it is worthwhile, if it is useful, if it is purposeful. Yes, at times my life can be a bit mundane. Homemaking involves many tasks that, for a social person, can be difficult and it's easy to become lonely.

The decision to stay home is a struggle for me. There have only been a few months since having my children that I have been completely jobless. I've almost always had some sort of side job...doing laundry for a camp, watching other peoples children, teaching preschool, serving at a restaurant, etc. It would be very easy for me to run out and get a part-time job. The income would help our "debt free" goal arrive sooner, the outlet would benefit my social needs, however, I'm trying to embrace this time as growth in contentment. I'm fully convinced that my children will benefit from having their mother around at all times. They find some sort of stability from knowing I'm here. My son keeps asking after a month of me being home..."mommy going to work?" and I always answer with "no, I get to stay home with you and I don't go to work" and the biggest grin comes across his face. I don't feel any guilt. It is hard sometimes. I see people going to their jobs, especially the people that enjoy their jobs and I feel some tinges of jealousy. But, instead of just sitting with that and being in a discontent struggle, I've decided to embrace this season. I'm trying to bring who I am and my creative spirit into my home. I'm researching, reading, and learning ways our home can be God-honoring. I'm not thinking about what we don't have because I stay home or what I'll get to do after this, but I'm thinking about what I can do now. It is freeing to be able to embrace my calling as a wife and mother and be thankful for it.

So to answer the question of what I do all day, I'd have to say that it is pretty complicated. But to sum it up with a theme or motto: I'm accepting where God has me and I'm creatively giving my very best for Him.

I'm trying to mold and teach my children many things. Especially that God loves them and created them especially for Him. I'm trying to love my husband. Yes, he gets a home-cooked meal almost every night. Thankfully, he's never complained about those meals! I'm trying to grow in knowledge and truth, to saturate my mind with God's word and to grow in character and as a person. One thing I'm doing right now is embracing my creative side. I've found that baking is enjoyable to me, and something that benefits others. Today I'm baking Pumpkin Bread. It is a yummy recipe that I think tastes a lot like Starbucks'. I'll post the recipe sometime for all you bakers out there.

I'm planning on posting more in the future about homemaking and mothering since that is the season I'm in right now. I love sharing ideas and learning from others and this blog is a wonderful place for that.