a heart of a mother

So I have tears rolling down my cheeks right now. I feel relieved but anxious all at the same time. I put my two kiddos in my mom's car and waved good-bye. It's always nice to have some time by myself but there is always something about letting them go that I find difficult. I try not to show them...if my daughter saw me crying she would join right in and then my son would need to hug and kiss it all away for me until I was "all better". I want them to love going to grandma's house and feel free to be independent from mom once in awhile. I really adore those two. It is such a balance to love and not smother. Tomorrow morning I go in at 5:30 AM to birth via c-section another daughter. More to love. I am so blessed and thankful. I can't imagine giving my time and energy to anything else. It is so fulfilling to watch them grow and mature. I can't wait to see Miya and Isaac's faces tomorrow when they come to meet their new sister. I still have Miya's reaction to Isaac etched forever in my mind, oh so precious. Now I go to find a middle name. Nothing like last minute. We've had her first name for awhile now but just haven't seemed to be able to land the perfect combo. I have some options. I'm determined to decide before I go to bed tonight. Maybe the quiet will help me think it through.