turning thirty

Next month is my 30th birthday. The age thing isn't really getting to me. I've actually kind of looked forward to the thirties. Something about them always seemed so grown up to me. I think that is the part I'm struggling with...I don't really feel grown up. I'm married (6 years this Saturday) and have two children...I've graduated from college, worked a full-time job...yet I still don't feel grown up. I think maturity comes slower for some of us. As I look back over my life I have great memories. I've always had lots of fun, met great people, gone on adventures. I had a fun childhood. It was busy. A camp kids life is never dull. However, something still lacks. Until recently, I was still trying to search for it in activities and people. Well...I've spent the last 10 months in a new town. I don't know very many people and I'm not really involved. It has been a great time to process and listen to God. One huge observation I've made is that in the past I didn't devote enough time and energy to building character. There are areas that should have been given care in my teens and twenties that got ignored. I can't blame my upbringing or circumstances. I am fully accountable for what God has given me. Most of my difficulty comes back to living life without focus. If you don't know what the goal is or where you are going you don't get anywhere.


I think I've just begun to stop fighting against God and accept his role for me. You know, to be honest, I've been rebellious my entire life. Part of it is my personality, I tend to be a bit fiery and energetic. But mostly, it's a choice.

Lately, I've been pursuing God's desire for me as a wife and mother. It may be completely contrary to the world. I may have to overcome some stereotypes that I have in my mind. But I've come to this from God's word...

Before all else, I am:
(1) To be a helper, companion, and wife to my husband (this was the purpose of the very first woman... she was created because it was not good for man to be alone, see 1 Cor. 11:9)
(2) To be a mother (he built it into our very bodies!)
(3) To teach other women how to do these things (Titus 2:3-5)

So in my thirties...I want to be more focused. It is my goal to excel at those three things. I want to stand before God someday and hear Him say "well done". I want to know that I did not waste the time, talent, and treasures that He has entrusted to me. I want to bring him glory as his creation. I know where to start...I have no excuses... I must be diligent.