Cultivating a Home

I'm currently reading a book called Home-Making by J.R. Miller. The title can lead you to think it is a book about keeping house, cooking, cleaning, or the like. However, this book is more about creating vision for a Christian family. It was originally published in 1882 and amazingly has rich value to us even in our current culture. I'm pulling out some quotes and thoughts to share with you. Read this when you have some time to actually think about what Miller is saying.

I wanted to share some "nuggets" out of a chapter called The Parent's Part. It has made me think about, discuss, and evaluate what my husband and I are doing with our children and what our responsibility is as their parents.

First of all, I want to highlight Miller's vision for a home. He states, "The true idea of a home is that it is a place for growth...a true home set up and all its life ordered for the definite purpose of training, building up and sending out human lives fashioned into symmetry, filled with lofty impulses and aspirations, governed by principles of rectitude and honor and fitted to enter upon the duties and struggles of life with wisdom and strength."

He goes on to talk about things that are involved in setting up a home culture that will allow for this growth to take place. One of the things that he points out as important is the physical environment. "Even the natural scenery in which a child is reared has much to do with the tone and hue of its future character. Beautiful things spread before the eye of childhood print themselves on the sensitive heart." This doesn't mean we have to have large expensive houses with the latest want. That is not what beauty is. Miller expresses, "Every home can at least be made bright, clean, sweet, and beautiful, even if bare of ornament and decoration. It is almost impossible for a child to grow up into loveliness of character, gentleness of disposition and purity of heart amid scenes of slovenliness, untidiness, repulsiveness and filthiness. but a home clean, tasteful, with simple adornments and pleasant surprises is an influence of incalculable value in the education of children."

More important than the actual house is the "home-spirit". Miller speaks about unselfishness, affectionateness, courtesy, happiness and gladness among other essential elements that should
permeate the home. He says to make their childhood sunny and tender. I think one small example of this would be to listen to your children and value what they have to say. My three year old asks no less than one million questions per day (seriously she has the biggest quota of words than anyone I know). I patiently try to answer every one of those sincere questions with love because I want her to keep coming to me when she is older. I want her to know that what she thinks is very important to me and whatever I am doing is not more valuable than her. We do have boundaries...she knows not to talk to me when I'm on the phone or in conversation with another, but for the most part, I'm all ears.

Miller addresses training children. To quote, "This work of training belongs to the parents and cannot be transferred. it is a most delicate and responsible duty, one from which a thoughtful soul would shrink with awe and fear were it not for the assurance of divine help. Yet there are many parents who do not stop to think of the responsibility which is laid upon them when a little child enters their home."

I know I'm quoting a lot here, but this is rich stuff and a wonderful reminder to us of our role as parents. Miller says, "women sigh for fame...but is any work in marble so great as hers who has an immortal life laid in her hands to shape for its destiny? Is the writing of any poem in musical lines so noble a work as the training of the powers of a human soul into harmony? Yet there are women who regard the duties and cares of motherhood as too obscure and common place tasks for their hands."

I love this next quote of a mother..."Could she have but one glimpse into the future of that life as it reaches on into eternity; could she look into its soul to see its possibilities; could she be made to understand her own personal responsibility for the training of this child, for the development of its life, and for its destiny,-she would see that in all God's world there is no other work so noble and so worthy of her best powers, and she would commit to no other hands the sacred and holy trust given to her." Knowing this responsibility can be overwhelming but it makes the sacrifices that I give every day worth it. I cannot fulfill this duty in my own strength but only when I rely on Christ.

I want to end with one last exceptionally long section out of the chapter, but I believe it is well worth your time reading. Miller writes, "Only this much may be said-whatever may be alone in the way of governing, teaching, or training, theories are not half so important as the parents' lives. They may teach the most beautiful things, but if the child does not see these things in the life of them he will not consider them important enough to be adopted in his own life...You cannot give your child what you do not possess; you can scarcely help giving your child what you do possess. If you are a coward you cannot make him brave; if he becomes brave it will be in spite of you. If you are a deceiver you cannot make him truthful; if you are selfish you cannot make him generous; if you are self-willed you cannot make him yielding; if you are passionate you cannot make him temperate and self-controlled. The parent's life flows into the child's life. We impress ourselves upon our children less by what we teach them than by what we are. Your child is a sensitive plate; you are sitting before the camera; if you do not like the picture the fault is with yourself...What we want to do with our children is not merely to control them and keep them in order, but to implant true principles deep in their hearts which shall rule their whole lives; to shape their character from within into Christlike beauty, and to make of them noble men and women, strong for battle and for duty. They are to be trained rather than governed. Growth of character, not merely good behaviour, is the object of all home governing and teaching. Therefore the home influence is far more important than the home laws, and the parents' lives are of more moment than their teachings."

I hope that if you took the time to read through this carefully and digest what Miller is suggesting, that you will be encouraged to view your role of parent as a high and holy calling and that you will prioritize your daily life and activities to fulfill this calling. I am encouraged by reading this book. Our society does not put much value on mothering or parenting, but I am reminded that it is vital in the lives of my children. I am honored to have been given this gift and responsibility. I hope that if you have children you are too.